last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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