God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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