I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
