When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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