So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
