yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
