Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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