My brain says no but my pants say off.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
my poor anus
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
