The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
