every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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