I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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