I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
