no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
