But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
