His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
