Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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