I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
