Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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