When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i think my cat just said my name.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
