the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
