i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
