I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
