cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How does one acquire holy water?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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