but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
