I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
