Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
