There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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