I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
