Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
