Got a toothbrush?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What a dumb baby whore.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
