First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
