giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
