I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
