Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
