PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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