Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
