Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
