Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
did i walk over a car last night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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