I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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