Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
