idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
