Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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