im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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