Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
