Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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