Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
how drunk are you?
Several
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
