My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im six kinds of drunk right now
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
