i barfeds in our rink
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize