when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
