So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
