the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
