My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
