last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
