I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
