And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
