We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
