if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so explain again why im purple
no
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
