Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
