Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
