Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
