You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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