I need help removing her.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
