Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
3pm strippers are depressing
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
