She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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