I'm going to jail i love you
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize