See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
