one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
