Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize