there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
